I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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