I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
