I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
