My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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