Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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