Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You're a waste of cheezeits
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
