So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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