I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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