Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
