The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
