We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Randomize
