I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
