I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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