When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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