1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
