good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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