Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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