Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
