i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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