If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
