I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is my gift to your gina
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
