Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
