This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
