Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
