Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
