So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
