You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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