i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
