He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
