the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
