I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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