just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
