I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
