I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
