This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
