new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
