You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
