I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
