I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
