i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
