im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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