I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
