he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
