I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
