weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
