I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
