I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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