there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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