I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
