hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
PANTIES FOUND
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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