Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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