I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
